Retiree Chuckler Gifts

'It's another squirrel - from the park. I warned you not to start feeding them.'

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

"On this diet, you can eat all you want of anything you can grow."

"I keep getting into a flap."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'...explain to me again why you are burying the shoe you threw..'

'Let's put it this way, part of you was offside!'

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

"Enjoy your retirement. I'm sure you will survive all of us. Hahaha, just kidding!"

"I'm not on the train today dear, I've got flu."

'Hey - I was in line first! There you go again...messing up the pecking order!'

"No. I blew the interview when I sniffed the interviewer's behind."

"My wife took up walkin' a mile a day five years ago. Haven't seen her since!" "Lucky son of a..."

'Your dog's paper trained too, huh?'

'Forget the golf. I just got a nibble!'

'Mr Darling has gone into shock, he missed his train - it arrived and left on time!'

'Couldn't get insurance for my sled.'

'Never ever will I move by train again.'

"I didn't jump, I fell asleep waiting."

Father Parrot: 'One day Son, this will all be yours.'

'We have weapons of mass disruption.'

"Would you hit all the buttons for me. I'm a practical joker but I haven't had my coffee."

"So much chum, so little time."

"Is it true, cows have four stomachs?"