Cheerful Chuckler Gifts

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

"The subwoofers really help."

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I'm sorry Timmy, but if I keep going for help, you'll never learn to take care of yourself,'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

Jesus Christ

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

Various Birds of Pray.

'I think cowboys are just plain lazy: Why else would you have to carry them all the time?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'The hair plugs are that noticeable, huh?'

Corona virus: "Wow, I seem to be getting lots of attention lately."

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

Man sees line of priests entering Mass Transit Authority.

'Sorry kid, but rules are rules!'

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

"Pandemic! That's a pretty name."

Fisherman buying fish on the way home...!

'Get with it, buddy -- that mile of highway you adopted has snow all over it!'

'Bless you!'

Man tries to shake clinging dog off his leg. Dog says to another dog: 'I suppose you could say I'm a people person.'

"I keep getting into a flap."

"They never would have got away with that in the Old Testament."

All Day Parking $1. Leave keys. It may be necessary to move your car to a more convenient spot.

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

-What did the carrot say to the onion? -What? -Nothing, vegetables don't talk!