Lawful Chuckler Gifts

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

One way only.

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

Jesus Christ

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

"...And now show us what you said."

The Big Four debate banking ethics

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

Fisherman: 'Did the DNR say anything about the size of your fish?' Other: 'Yeah. So long.'

'Time's up, chuckles.'

IRS, 'Nice try, but you can't deduct your bartender as your 'drinking consultant.''

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

'Perfectly normal ? everyone loves to see lawyers suffer.'

'There's a policeman here who thinks I shouldn't be talking on the cellphone while driving.'

"For parking in a handicap space, I sentence you to 30 days in a wheelchair!'

Boy accused of vandalism pleads 'limited liability'

'I would like to thank the photo radar company for their fourth quarter presentation.'

"Our charity would appreciate a donation, but I am not willing to fight you for it."

Shoot, he's got a restraining order!