Legal Laughers Gifts

'Aren't you going to add a disclaimer?'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

'Your honor, we the jury have looked really hard out the window all day and would like to go home.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

My client is claiming that you have discriminated against him as a species, that your refusal to let him sniff client's bottoms is against his canine rights and that your policies have acted against him reaching partnership.

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Baby's first words.

'Judge Mental.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

"I get that quite a bit. Actually, I'm a lawyer."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Me, I'm here for perjury: I said I couldn't remember while under oath...'

"My client can't help his verbal obfuscation. He's suffering from straightforwardness dysfunctionality."

"But before we begin, this from legal, 'Be careful what you wish for.'"

"Your honor, I'd like to request a new defense attorney!"

"Sentencing...my gut feeling is disembowelment...but my head says decapitation."

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'