Lawful Laughs Gifts

Boy accused of vandalism pleads 'limited liability'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

A baby in court

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Baby's first words.

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

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'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

"Guilty times infinity."

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

'Sometimes I wish Daddy wasn't a bankruptcy lawyer. No matter what book he reads to me, he's only interested in chapter 11.'

Quasi-legal Pad.