Lawful Laughter Gifts

'I'm afraid that there will be no more food-parcels for you, Bugsy - your Mum's just been nicked for shop-lifting.'

'I would like to thank the photo radar company for their fourth quarter presentation.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

A baby in court

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

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All together now! Let's sing our decision!

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"I take it the defense rests."

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

Judge Duels

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

"So, David. Do you have a permit for that weapon?"

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

"You have the right to remain inanimate, but anything you do mime may be used against you in a court of law"

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

Barrister defending a criminal