Legal Laughter Gifts

"Tails it is. We find the defendant guilty."

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

Barrister defending a criminal

Judge Duels

'Your honor, we, the jury, are dreadlocked.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Good luck getting my client's tax returns - he never even filed!"

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

A baby in court

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"First, admit no harm."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."