Law Laughter Gifts

'. . . Bessie, you will have to sit this one out, because, well you're a cow.'

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

A baby in court

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

"First, admit no harm."

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

Judge Duels

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

Barrister defending a criminal

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

"So, David. Do you have a permit for that weapon?"

"We've decided to settle our of quart."

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

"You have the right to remain inanimate, but anything you do mime may be used against you in a court of law"

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.