Law And Laughs Gifts

A baby in court

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"First, admit no harm."

Policeman

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'Court is in session, the jury is seated and, when the counselors have stretched out properly, we will proceed with opening statements.'

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

Warning: Quitting smoking now will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

Judge Duels

Stop pay toll.

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

Barrister defending a criminal

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

"We've decided to settle our of quart."

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

'Keyhole Perjury'

Boy accused of vandalism pleads 'limited liability'

"Good luck getting my client's tax returns - he never even filed!"

'Now she's making me feel guilty. Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as passive-aggressive.'