Law And Laughs Pillows

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

A baby in court

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"First, admit no harm."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

Policeman

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Court is in session, the jury is seated and, when the counselors have stretched out properly, we will proceed with opening statements.'

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

"After all, it is a frivolous lawsuit..."

Judge Duels

Warning: Quitting smoking now will greatly reduce your chances of getting a piece of the settlement pie.

Stop pay toll.

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

Barrister defending a criminal

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

"We've decided to settle our of quart."

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

'Keyhole Perjury'

Boy accused of vandalism pleads 'limited liability'

'Now she's making me feel guilty. Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as passive-aggressive.'