Legal Laughs Pillows

"We've decided to settle our of quart."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

A baby in court

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

Baby's first words.

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'Judge Mental.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"I get that quite a bit. Actually, I'm a lawyer."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"First, admit no harm."

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

"Guilty times infinity."

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

'Sometimes I wish Daddy wasn't a bankruptcy lawyer. No matter what book he reads to me, he's only interested in chapter 11.'