Legal Laugh Pillows

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

A baby in court

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"Guilty times infinity."

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'