Legal Laugh Lovers Pillows

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Do you swear to tell the truth even though you'd be crazy not to lie?'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Baby's first words.

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

'Todd here syas our plank is to narrow and may lead to lawsuits.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

'This is a very important trial, Ferguson -- you'd better put pants on.'

"The defendant is a danger to society and poses a flight risk."