Legal Laughter Lover Pillows

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

'Two witnesses can testify that at the time of the robbery I was miles away assaulting someone.'

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

A baby in court

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'Todd here syas our plank is to narrow and may lead to lawsuits.'

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

'This is a very important trial, Ferguson -- you'd better put pants on.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'