Lawful Laughter Lover Pillows

"You have the right to remain inanimate, but anything you do mime may be used against you in a court of law"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

A baby in court

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

Amy Schumer

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

"No, dummy...that's not how we use a napkin!"

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

'MILK FIGHT!'

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

'I've swapped the cooling fan for a heater: My laptop is working fine now...'