Lawful Laughter Lover Pillows

"You have the right to remain inanimate, but anything you do mime may be used against you in a court of law"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Snowprov

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

A baby in court

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

"Target in range. Ready... hug."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Doors opening.' - 'Doors closing.' - 'Doors bored now.'

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

'Scientists have confirmed that smiling is contagious.'

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

'MILK FIGHT!'

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"The bad news is my doctor limited me to one glass of wine per day. The good news is I get to pick the glass."

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

'I've swapped the cooling fan for a heater: My laptop is working fine now...'

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'