Lawful Laughter Pillows

'I'm afraid that there will be no more food-parcels for you, Bugsy - your Mum's just been nicked for shop-lifting.'

'I would like to thank the photo radar company for their fourth quarter presentation.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

A baby in court

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

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"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"I take it the defense rests."

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

New Attorney.

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

Judge Duels

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

Barrister defending a criminal

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

"I always chuckle over how truthful a witness becomes when I drag out my ol' crystal ball."

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."