Legal Laughter Pillows

"Tails it is. We find the defendant guilty."

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

Barrister defending a criminal

Judge Duels

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"Good luck getting my client's tax returns - he never even filed!"

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

A baby in court

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"First, admit no harm."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

"Guilty times infinity."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."