Legal Laugh Enthusiasts Pillows

'The jury foreman says they need more time to find the quarter they were flipping!'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Baby's first words.

'Judge Mental.'

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

"We find the defendant guilty on all charges, Your Honor. On the positive side, we really liked his openness and energy."

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"But before we begin, this from legal, 'Be careful what you wish for.'"

'He was a product of his environment. He LIVED in a cooked house, he HAD a crooked wife.'

"My client claims the verdict discriminates against guilty people."

'My client's defense is that the bank was an attractive nuisance.'

'It all started when I told him I resented people calling lawyers assholes, because I'm an asshole.'

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'Sorry, but my liability insurance no longer allows me to grant that wish.'

'Let's be fair about this, Your Honor -- how can the plaintiff be an objective witness if my client shot him?'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

"It was 'im wot ruffled me bonce, judge, as I was politely getting into 'is car."