Law Laughter Enthusiast Pillows

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

A baby in court

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Corporate Lawyers

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

We Remove Lawyer Residue

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

Policeman

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

'A limited partnership? It means you can't sue or skim.'

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'Objection! That could be anybody's footprint!'

Man looking at the cartes de visite of the lawyers in chancery lane

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

"You declared him to be a hostile witness, your honor."

"It's your attorney."

'Unzip your pants. . .while you're here, I want to pay up my bill in full.'

'Sorry, Mr. Weinbaum, but you should have said 'Simon says not guilty.''

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

If injury lawyers said what they really mean.

"Case dismissed for obvious reasons."

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

"You have the right to remain inanimate, but anything you do mime may be used against you in a court of law"

'What about all the crimes I am innocent of?'

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

"So, David. Do you have a permit for that weapon?"