Law And Laughter Enthusiast Pillows

Lawyer Pranks: 'No, your honor. we have no idea why everyone would start leaving the courtroom all at the same time.'

A baby in court

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Corporate Lawyers

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

Policeman

Courtroom. Next time I wouldn't say "Convincingly, I hope" when the judge asks how you plead.

'Objection! That could be anybody's footprint!'

'When I pled 'Not Guilty,' I forgot to say 'May I?''

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'A limited partnership? It means you can't sue or skim.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

"It's your attorney."

'I wonder what that knocking noise is.'

"I can assure you, Your Honor, my client isn't a flight risk."

"You declared him to be a hostile witness, your honor."

'Equal protection of the law, my foot! -- That was RANK discrimination against bank robbers!'

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

If injury lawyers said what they really mean.

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

"Case dismissed for obvious reasons."

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

'What about all the crimes I am innocent of?'

The day begins at the copyright office - "Morning Jeff(TM)"...

'Keyhole Perjury'

Are you hoping to impugn the witness's bona fides? Um, depending on what that means … very possibly!

Law Firm of Kellog and Keith: Never An Ambulance Chaser.