Law And Humor Lover Pillows

Are you hoping to impugn the witness's bona fides? Um, depending on what that means … very possibly!

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

Corporate Lawyers

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

'This is a very important trial, Ferguson -- you'd better put pants on.'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

"Objection over-ruled Counselor! Proceed to the clearly marked Fire Exit, if you follow my meaning."

"The defendant is a danger to society and poses a flight risk."

'Todd here syas our plank is to narrow and may lead to lawsuits.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

We Remove Lawyer Residue

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

!. Exclamation point overrulled.