Lawful Laugh Gifts

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

A baby in court

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

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Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"Guilty times infinity."

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

'...And zap him quick, before that bleeding-heart Governor gets back from vacation.'

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'