Legal Laugh Lover Gifts

'No, I'm not part of an elaborate kickback scheme.'

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

'Could you sentence my client to just quality time, your honor?'

"If it pleases the court, your honour, I would like to present these small gifts to the jury."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"My next witness is his Google Assistant."

'You got twenty years for hunting without a license? Kind of stiff, isn't it?'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Hello. Law offices of Anderson, Avery, Baer, Barton, Baston, Caggly, Cooper ... drat, who comes after Cooper?'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

'This is a very important trial, Ferguson -- you'd better put pants on.'

'Todd here syas our plank is to narrow and may lead to lawsuits.'

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"