Resume Scribbler Gifts

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"How about we write a song combining Brexit with unrequited love?"

Multi-Tasking

'Anorak anoraks'.

When Cells Divide

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

Tweaking the CV.

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'Ms. Shelby, I think you're spinning out of control.'

'Have you got a resume?'

'Tax.'

"I can see here on your résumé that you’d like my job ..."

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

"Humility is a virtue, but not on a resume."

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

'You're not at all qualified. Thanks for coming in and wasting my time. We'll let you know by the end of the week.'

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

John Waters

"I hope you realise that you'll be starting at the bottom."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'