Résumé Writer Gifts

"Based on your resume you're not really qualified for the job...but there's just something about you I like!"

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I see under 'awards and honors', you had a hurricane named after you."

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'You do realize that this isn't going to look good on my resume?'

'Excellent at juggling multiple job duties.'

"We ran out of toilet paper. Luckily, I have a whole box of my resumé."

'Do you have any employers references?'

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy"

'I see, from your resume, that you have lost your last two jobs because of lateness.'

'Have you got a resume?'

'Your lies look good.'

Laboral life

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

'If I'd known you were looking for someone without experience, I wouldn't have exaggerated my abilities.'

"Any references other than your mother?"

"I appreciate your concerns about identity theft, but your resume should at least include your name."

'I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about him I really like!'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"I see under special skills you've listed 'house broken'."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Hmmm...impressive CV! Y'know, I have a feeling that you'll go far in this company...."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"You appear imminenetly qualified, but tell me, have you ever worked for a dummy corporation?"

"Interesting resume. Have you considered applying at a book publisher? You have quite a flair for fiction."

"You don't improve your chances by writing your resume in crayon."

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

"We'd really prefer a resume."

"I think you should know that there are some here who wanted to desecrate your résumé."

"Kneepads! I like that in an applicant!"

'You're not at all qualified. Thanks for coming in and wasting my time. We'll let you know by the end of the week.'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'On paper, you appear to be an excellent candidate for a sales representative. However, without the ability to palm a basketball...'

'Great resume. You will be the perfect butt for our jokes.'