Resumes Gifts

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

Now playing 'Downsized and out' - a movie based on Ed Benson's resume.

"You list as an honor, a suspended sentence, and your parole as an award?"

"I'm working on my resume. Do you think mentioning I'm a 'Good Boy' is too much?"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Tweaking the CV.

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'