Resume Updater Gifts

"I got an A+ on my math test! I'm updating my resume."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

The Modern Novel.

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

"Humility is a virtue, but not on a resume."

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

Personnel Manager to applicant: 'Your resume and references are excellent, but your hair is too silly.'

"When did you say you left school?"