Resume Repeater Gifts

'If you want to see my resume, it's on my cave wall.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

Personnel Manager to applicant: 'Your resume and references are excellent, but your hair is too silly.'

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"Here's a little song I wrote after hearing it on the radio."

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

'Nice, I can see you've taken Day-School classes to further your education...'

"Sorry, but you're overqualified."

"I got an A+ on my math test! I'm updating my resume."

'I'll stop saying you've changed jobs too many times if you'll stop giving me notice.'

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

'You say that you dreamt you got a job here?... And in your dream did you have a better CV than this?'

'Oh no! Not 'Barnacle Bill the Sailor', again.'

'I read your resume. It's good, but I prefer reading non fiction.'

'I would've hired you if you had fudged a little more on your application.'

Now playing 'Downsized and out' - a movie based on Ed Benson's resume.

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy."

'I didn't know 'Businessish Management' was something you could get a degree in.'

"Do you have any other strengths?"

'It's in my resume. I don't do computer windows.'

"My banking experience? I was responsible for all my organ-grinder's money collection and accounting..."

I'm his lawyer, here to defend inaccuracies in his resume.

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'