Resume Revver Gifts

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

"Head of Sales, VP of Marketing, and an endangeres species....Wow. I'm impressed..."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"