Resume Revamper Gifts

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"Very bold, but I'm not sure it makes you a risk-taker."

"It was just your idiot brother asking if he could put me down as a reference."

"Wikipedia does not count as a reference in resumes."

"It appears you're a bit overqualified to be exploited, but somewhat underqualified to exploit others."

"Frankly, Mr. Sims, it's your resume. It's all 'me, me, me,' isn't it?"

'Being GLUTEN FREE is your entire resume?'

'Okay, it's your last chance to come clean before I call your previous employer and confirm your leaving salary.'

'It would help if you updated your resume.'

'What made this particular applicant for the job stand out?' 'He applied for the job.'

'We don't have any openings now, but we will certainly keep your application on file.'

'I'll stop saying you've changed jobs too many times if you'll stop giving me notice.'

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'The paper just happened to fall open to the 'Position Wanted' section.'

I'm his lawyer, here to defend inaccuracies in his resume.

'I would've hired you if you had fudged a little more on your application.'

'Now get out there and dumb down your resumes so you can find jobs.'

"By God, you're not a man who's afraid to fail."

"I'm fifty-three, but I have the resume of a much younger man."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'You've spelt 'C.V.' wrongly.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."