Resume Revamp Gifts

'I've had some replies to those job applications I sent off.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

'Of course, it's your business, but I wouldn't ever start a resume with 'Once upon a time in a land far far away!''

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

'Nice, I can see you've taken Day-School classes to further your education...'

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"No, I'm sorry, we're looking for special people."

'Your career is a change management textbook.'

"Sorry, but you're overqualified."

'My tutor kindly agreed to help!'