Resume Revitalizer Gifts

"I have to admit, I've never seen anyone list 'cleaning out my desk' as a job skill."

...Can I come back and re-apply with a dumbed down C.V.?

Resume Consultant. I can polish up your resume, but I won't be able to pound all the dents.

"Actually those missing four yeas I was working here under a different name."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'You have to Marvell eh - 'annihalating all that's made to a green thought in a green shade.''

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

Resume Dumpers

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

It was worth a try, but I'm afraid the thrill is still gone, Harold.

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

"When did you say you left school?"

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'