Resume Enhancer Gifts

'Oh yeah, and I was in Boy Scouts.'

'I wonder if I should add this to my resume.'

'Thanks for coming in. Whoever gets the job will call you next week and let you know our decision.'

'I exaggerated on my resume and I was still underqualified.'

Ernie made a couple of new year's resolutions --- to cut down on his little fibs and to focus on building his career. Your new resume says you were a "Theater Director"? Sure, you remember I was an usher. "Experienced white collar worker"? My job at the dry cleaner. Ernie, you were never a "circuit judge"! I inspected electrical work. Well, at least he's keeping one of his resolutions, so he's doing better than most of us!

'I took the liberty of digitally enhancing my resume to make a mountain out of a mole hill.'

'Your resume is nothing but a pack of lies and filled with exaggerations and half-truths.. YOU'RE HIRED!'

"You want to become enlightened?"

"Very impressive application, I didn't even realise there was a Nobel prize for 'Best sales guy on the planet'."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'You're hired. Go figure.'

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"