Resume Buffs Gifts

"236 million deliveries in one night. When can you start?"

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'You're hired. Go figure.'

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."