Resume Embellisher Gifts

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

'I must say, your resume is the finest piece of creative fiction to ever cross my desk.'

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

'We're looking for bold, imaginative thinking, and judging from the whoppers on your resume, you're our man!'

Even Bob's deathbed confession was lame.

"We'll it's a very impressive CV, I didn’t know you could earn a masters degree in being 'dead good at stuff'."

'Judging from your resume, you must have received an A in creative writing.'

"We do appreciate imagination as a quality in candidates, but not when it comes to your qualifications."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"Wow...your resume is quite impressive."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'You're hired. Go figure.'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

'Your resume doesn't contain a single falsehood or stretching of the truth. Sorry, but you're not what we're looking for in our PR department!'

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"I've applied the Paper Reduction Act to my resume."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

'I hear you're looking for bounty hunters...'

"On your application it says you've been a circus clown, an orthopaedic surgeon and a molecular biologist."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'