Resume Reformer Gifts

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'You say that you dreamt you got a job here?... And in your dream did you have a better CV than this?'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Make sure your CV stands out for the right reasons....

"Why, you plagiarized this from our best-selling book 'How to write a good resume'!"

"Sorry, but you're overqualified."

"Interesting CV, we haven't had anyone with a qualification in 'being really good at stuff' before."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

'Of course, it's your business, but I wouldn't ever start a resume with 'Once upon a time in a land far far away!''