Resume Rebuilder Gifts

'Sure I submitted somebody else's resum? - I'm the victim of a stolen identity.'

"I'd feel better about your references if they weren't all from your wardens."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"Humility is a virtue, but not on a resume."

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

'Of course, it's your business, but I wouldn't ever start a resume with 'Once upon a time in a land far far away!''

'Why is your resume copyright protected by online-resumes.com?'

'Nice, I can see you've taken Day-School classes to further your education...'