Resume Rebuilder Pillows

'Sure I submitted somebody else's resum? - I'm the victim of a stolen identity.'

"I'd feel better about your references if they weren't all from your wardens."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"Humility is a virtue, but not on a resume."

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"...and before that, I was an embryo."

"You should hire me now, before my skills completely deteriorate."

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

"Your CV is amazing. The boss would love you. So unfortunately you've been unsuccessful in your application."

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

'Of course, it's your business, but I wouldn't ever start a resume with 'Once upon a time in a land far far away!''