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"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

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'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

"Head of Sales, VP of Marketing, and an endangeres species....Wow. I'm impressed..."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

Personnel Manager to applicant: 'Your resume and references are excellent, but your hair is too silly.'