Résumé Writer Pillows

"Based on your resume you're not really qualified for the job...but there's just something about you I like!"

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

"I see under 'awards and honors', you had a hurricane named after you."

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'Excellent at juggling multiple job duties.'

'I see, from your resume, that you have lost your last two jobs because of lateness.'

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy"

'Do you have any employers references?'

'You do realize that this isn't going to look good on my resume?'

"We ran out of toilet paper. Luckily, I have a whole box of my resumé."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"I see under special skills you've listed 'house broken'."

'Your lies look good.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'Have you got a resume?'

'I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about him I really like!'

Laboral life

'I can't believe you gave them your resume instead of the holdup note!'

'If I'd known you were looking for someone without experience, I wouldn't have exaggerated my abilities.'

"Any references other than your mother?"

'On paper, you appear to be an excellent candidate for a sales representative. However, without the ability to palm a basketball...'

"You don't improve your chances by writing your resume in crayon."

"I think you should know that there are some here who wanted to desecrate your résumé."

'You're not at all qualified. Thanks for coming in and wasting my time. We'll let you know by the end of the week.'

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"In your CV under 'experience' all you've written is 'YIPEE!'."

'Great resume. You will be the perfect butt for our jokes.'

"Kneepads! I like that in an applicant!"

"We'd really prefer a resume."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"Papi, I'm writing my resume!"

"Dominic had spent days preparing for the interview, what could possibly go wrong?"

"I hope you realise that you'll be starting at the bottom."

"I can handle a wide variety of work. In fact I've had ten different jobs in four months."