Resume Writers Pillows

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

...What if I promise to only use half my brain?

'Do you have any references that are still living?'

'University of Xylongatnyefxodyl - never heard of it!'

"You resume would be a little more impressive if it wasn't in shorthand Ms Klink"

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Have you gotten to the part where I fall off the 'ladder of success' and collect disability.'

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"Any OTHER skills that might be more appropriate to a role in forensic accounting?"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

Your resume says you were a waiter...

Tweaking the CV.

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"You look a lot better on paper than you do online."

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'