Resume Writing Pillows

'Why is your resume copyright protected by online-resumes.com?'

'Your resume says you pay attention to detail, which I would find easier to buy if your fly wasn't unzipped.'

Rejected resumes.

"I can see here on your résumé that you’d like my job ..."

'Congratulations graduates. We are here to help with your resume preparation and unemployment insurance applications.'

"Can you start the interview without me? I'll be in as soon as I finish my resume."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'No need to come in... you can fax me your resume.'

Working on my resume.

'You don't improve your chances by writing your resume in crayon.'

Welcome to the job market

"Your resume is impressive."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

Tweaking the CV.

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."