Resume Crafting Pillows

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Tweaking the CV.

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Have you got a resume?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"I can see here on your résumé that you’d like my job ..."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"Humility is a virtue, but not on a resume."

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."