Resume Writer Reader Gifts

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Tweaking the CV.

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"I can see here on your résumé that you’d like my job ..."

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."