Quirky Theologian Gifts

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'Lord, we worship the water you walk on.'

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

Beware of God.

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Hot cross buns

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Monk and Bible and Devil Page Marker

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

Priest with Christian symbol

Church Parking Space Reserved For Sinner Of The Week

"Our father who art at www.heaven.com..."

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"It's chic to be vulnerable."