Humorous Theologian Gifts

'Ask Jesus to stop multiplying bread and fishes...it's the plates what we need now.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"For Lent you should give up the other parts of your religion."

Jesus Fish

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Hot cross buns

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

Jesus the comedian.

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

'Heretic!'

Next stop bloomingdales

The devil relaxing at home

'And on the 8th day God held a sale'