Humorous Theologian Gifts

'Ask Jesus to stop multiplying bread and fishes...it's the plates what we need now.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"For Lent you should give up the other parts of your religion."

Jesus Fish

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

Adam and Eve toast next to a serpent bartender.

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Hot cross buns

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Well, you heard wrong -- Zen Buddhism doesn't have a Missouri Synod.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

John the Baptist was clothed in camels hair and eight locusts.

'Hey, what's with all this 'God forbid' stuff?'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"How come there's a forbidden fruit but not a forbidden vegetable?"

"It's an apple pie, try it..."

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

Jesus the comedian.

'I sure wouldn't want to be MY brother's keeper!'

Forgive me Father for I have sinned

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

'Create Adam before Eve -- He'll need some time to clean up around there a little first.'

Peter denies Jesus three times.

"If push comes to shove, I bet you could do some damage with the plowshare."

'You make 23,725 little mistakes, they never let you forget it.'

'Heretic!'