Humor Theologian Gifts

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

Pray it Don't Spry it.

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

Jesus Fish

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

Peter denies Jesus three times.

Bishops with headgear of increasing size.

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

'Heretic!'

'Now he's just showing off -he's giving it a light perm, too.'

Next stop bloomingdales

''Burnt offerings'? -- YUCK!'

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

'And on the 8th day God held a sale'

'HE was right you know.'

"Do you really believe, Gerald?"

How's my absolution! (800)-HAIL MARY

"I am an agent of Satan... however my duties are largely ceremonial."

Speaking in tongues for the Deaf

'Okay, but these are really going to stress everybody out.'

Pea-headed Pope

'Ask Jesus to stop multiplying bread and fishes...it's the plates what we need now.'