Humor Theologian Gifts

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

Pray it Don't Spry it.

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

'No offense, but some of these sound a little PREACHY.'

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

Jesus Fish

'Okay. Where's the fire?'

Bishops with headgear of increasing size.

'Heretic!'

''Burnt offerings'? -- YUCK!'

'Now he's just showing off -he's giving it a light perm, too.'

'And on the 8th day God held a sale'

Next stop bloomingdales

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

'HE was right you know.'

"I am an agent of Satan... however my duties are largely ceremonial."

How's my absolution! (800)-HAIL MARY

Speaking in tongues for the Deaf

'Okay, but these are really going to stress everybody out.'

Pea-headed Pope

"Do you really believe, Gerald?"

'Ask Jesus to stop multiplying bread and fishes...it's the plates what we need now.'

"For Lent you should give up the other parts of your religion."