Theologian Humor Gifts

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

The ten ammendments

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Guys, guys! Let's take this from the top. Who ordered the chicken nuggets...?"

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

Jesus Fish

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

Bishops with headgear of increasing size.

"My uncle can turn a twenty-dollar bill into wine."

'Heretic!'

''Burnt offerings'? -- YUCK!'

'And on the 8th day God held a sale'

'Are you sure about this? - These people have NO sense of humor.'

Next stop bloomingdales

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

'I wonder what they wanted with rum this time of night?'

'HE was right you know.'

"I am an agent of Satan... however my duties are largely ceremonial."

'Ask Jesus to stop multiplying bread and fishes...it's the plates what we need now.'

"For Lent you should give up the other parts of your religion."

"The Hebrews are saying that you're a control freak."

Heaven's Garbage.

'You know those opposable thumbs you gave them.. they're sucking them.'

"Well, I made it. A little singed and smelling of smoke, but still here."