Theologian Humor Pillows

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

The ten ammendments

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"Jesus is not here. Let's check the one over..."

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Guys, guys! Let's take this from the top. Who ordered the chicken nuggets...?"

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

Jesus Fish

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

Garden of Eden: Director's Cut

"My uncle can turn a twenty-dollar bill into wine."

Bishops with headgear of increasing size.

Peter denies Jesus three times.

'Heretic!'

Next stop bloomingdales

''Burnt offerings'? -- YUCK!'

'Are you sure about this? - These people have NO sense of humor.'

'And on the 8th day God held a sale'

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

'I wonder what they wanted with rum this time of night?'

'HE was right you know.'

"I am an agent of Satan... however my duties are largely ceremonial."

'Ask Jesus to stop multiplying bread and fishes...it's the plates what we need now.'

"For Lent you should give up the other parts of your religion."

"The Hebrews are saying that you're a control freak."

Heaven's Garbage.

'You know those opposable thumbs you gave them.. they're sucking them.'