Theology Humor Pillows

'You know those opposable thumbs you gave them.. they're sucking them.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

United Church of OMG

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Priest with the Pet Devil.

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

Excommunicate Me.

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'And He sayeth unto me, 'Behold this second set of my commandments, rendered in stone, large-print edition...''

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

Pray it Don't Spry it.

"Guys, guys! Let's take this from the top. Who ordered the chicken nuggets...?"

"Peace on earth. Goodwill to all men and who ordered the triple cheese with extra pepperoni?"

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

"Hi. I'm Rod. And this is my staff."

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

Clergyman and Working Girl

Jesus Fish

"My uncle can turn a twenty-dollar bill into wine."

'I had to have my pacemaker readjusted since I asked Jesus into my heart.'

'He only got this job because of who his dad is.'

'Heretic!'

'And on the 8th day God held a sale'

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

''Burnt offerings'? -- YUCK!'