Theology Humor Pillows

'You know those opposable thumbs you gave them.. they're sucking them.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"It's cool – God told us to!"

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

United Church of OMG

Community church - the home of religion lite - Sermon: 'Atheism? You may be right!'

Priest with the Pet Devil.

"Thou Shalt not Covid thy Neighbor's Wife!"

'He may be the Messiah, but he's no Springsteen.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

Excommunicate Me.

'And He sayeth unto me, 'Behold this second set of my commandments, rendered in stone, large-print edition...''

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

'In compliance with Federal full-disclosure laws, I'm required to tell you that I'm really not all that sure about some of this stuff.'

'Great! So I'll run these by the focus groups and see how they go over.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"Hey, this is a good bit- did I say that?"

"Guys, guys! Let's take this from the top. Who ordered the chicken nuggets...?"

Pray it Don't Spry it.

"Peace on earth. Goodwill to all men and who ordered the triple cheese with extra pepperoni?"

"Pastor Hellfire is recovering well, since he passed his brimstone."

"Hi. I'm Rod. And this is my staff."

"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."

Clergyman and Working Girl

Jesus Fish

'I had to have my pacemaker readjusted since I asked Jesus into my heart.'

Peter denies Jesus three times.

"My uncle can turn a twenty-dollar bill into wine."

'He only got this job because of who his dad is.'

'Heretic!'

Express Confessional: Six Sins or Less

'And on the 8th day God held a sale'